There is a lot of misinformation around regarding divorce and family law cases in general. Some of this information is harmless, some is just plain funny and some is dangerous. Here are two of the prevalent and destructive myths: There is a lot of misinformation around regarding divorce and family law cases in general. Some of this information is harmless, some is just plain funny and some is dangerous. Here are two of the prevalent and destructive myths:
1. Children are better off if their parents’ divorce rather than living in a home with unhappily married parents: and
2. Children need to be informed about the issues in a family law case.
Let’s consider these myths one at a time.
1. Parents who want to divorce, tell themselves that the children are better off if their parents get a divorce rather than living in a home with unhappily married parents. This is just not true.
This myth might make divorcing and parents who are breaking up feel better, but study after study show that children absent severe abuse, family violence or drug problems, are almost always better off living with both parents. Parents who really want to protect their children, do all they can to stay together.
If you cannot stay together, then the next best approach is to calmly and carefully plan how your children’s lives will be affected and minimize disruption to your kids. Even if minimizing disruption to your children is highly inconvenient for you.
2. Grown adults, who should know better will sometimes say “I want my child to know exactly what is happening and why.”
This myth is destructive to children. It invariably hurts and wounds kids who cannot defend themselves from the people who should be putting their interest first. Generally, what adults in this situation really want is to point at someone else, often the other parent or other family members. Children in families on the verge of destruction need to be protected, not informed. Good advice is always … tell the kids nothing. If you must tell the kids something because their living conditions have obviously changed, keep the communications focused on living conditions not conflict or blame.
There may come a time when the children will need to know more about the disruption of their family, but now is not the time. Parents in the middle of a family law case are hurt, angry, and not objective.
If you become involved in a family law case involving children, that case will become more contested and more of a mess without a good and experienced lawyer. You will likely hear these myths from people trying to help, but who do not understand the long-term effects of family disruption of your children. Not only is it wise from your point of view to have a lawyer, your child is depending on you to make sure you know what you are doing as you decide what is in your child’s best interest. Hire a competent and experienced lawyer. You need one.